Successful Rural Plays 

A Strong List From Which to Select Your 
Next Play 

FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubes. For five male and six female characters. Time 
of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two 
easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a 
farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New 
Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, 
and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. 
Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by 
intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry 
Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip 
learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple 
plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience 
alternately to tears and to laughter. Price, 25 cents. 

HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur 
Lewis Tubes. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two 
hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four 
acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs 
has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter 
Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son 
of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. 
She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. 
When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave 
Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- 
covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then 
he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. Price 25 cents. 

THE OLD NEW^ HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New 

England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven 
males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, 
modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich 
in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of 
the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- 
terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- 
uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play 
everybody understands and likes. Price, 25 cents. 

THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy 
in Three Acts, by Fr.\nk Dumont. For five males and four 
females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- 
terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money 
from a farrahbuse through the intimidation of the farmer's 
niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the 
wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting 
and novel. Price, 15 cents. 

A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in 
Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four 
females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. 
One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a 
country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which 
results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker 
in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- 
mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. Price 
15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Oueerville's Quaint 
Quartette 

A Musical Sketch in One Act 



By 
GEO. P. SEILER 




PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1916 






,<^^ <i^ 

A^^..^^ 



Copyright 191 6 by The Penn Publishing Company 



/^,- 



/•^ 



©CID 45930 

JAN 16 1917 

Queerville's Quaint Quartette \ 

TMP96-007338 



gueerville's Quaint Quartette 



CHARACTERS 

MosE Baker. Spike Williams. 

Slim Fowler. Top Shampine. 

Time. — Fifteen minutes or longer. 
Notice 

This play is published for the use of amateurs only. Pro- 
fessionals are forbidden to use it, except with the consent of 
the author, who may be addressed in care of the publishers. 

STORY OF THE PLAY 

This is one of those humorous sketches that do not de- 
pend on plot. Mose, Slim, Spike and Top are " jes foolin' 
aroun'." The other three help Slim put on a sock that's 
too small for him. They banter each other about marriage 
a *' William Penn handkerchief," a freak calf, and Solomon! 
Top accuses Mose of ingratitude to his neighbors, and they 
all help him write a letter, in which a cow he has to sell 
^ keeps getting mixed with a funeral. Mose preaches a ser- 
mon on '^ De Mule ob Sin." There are songs by the Quar- 
tette at frequent intervals. 

COSTUMES, CHARACTERISTICS, ETC. 

Mose. About fifty years old. Make up as partly bald 
negro. Gray hair and side chops. Blue old shirt, old 
pants and shoes. 

Slim. About thirty years old. Light complectioned 
mulatto. Shirt with attached collar, tie hanging loose 
Good black or blue pants. Good felt hat. ^Good tan 

3 



4 PROPERTIES 

shoes. A ** swell " darky, but lazy. At rise of curtain has 
one sock and shoe off. 

Spike. About forty years old. Make up about like Slim, 
but clothes not so new. 

Top. About thirty. Make up and dress about like Spike. 

PROPERTIES 

For Slim. One sock, too small, and with bottom cut so 
foot will go through it. Another sock, the right size for his 
foot. Bright multicolored handkerchief. An old paper bag. 

For MosE. The stump of a lead pencil. 

For Spike. Tobacco pouch. 

SCENE PLOT 



EXTERIOR DROP 
GATE 



X X 

BUCK AND SAW 




o 

O CHOP-BLOCK r\ 

AND AXE o^.« 

STUMP ^TUMP 




SCENE. — Exterior of Mose's house (or interior, if pre- 
ferred). Exterior drop. Set house L. Wood wings down l. 
and at r. Fence, with gate, from wings R. to house L. 
Sawbuck and saw up r. Chopping-block and axe, C. 
Stumps down r. and L. 

If preferred, make this an interior scene. Chairs or 
chairs and sofa take the place of the sawbuck and stumps. 
Table takes place of chopping-block, C. Door and window 
up c. Or door u., and window c. or L. The sketch will 
play perfectly with this arrangement. There are no exits 
or entrances during the performance. 



Queerville's Ouaint Quartette 



SCENE. — The exterior of Mose's house. {May be interior 
if preferred.) Quartette so fig begins before raising of 
curtain. 

{Curtain discloses MosE Baker at chopping-block, c, Slim 
Fowler seated on stump, r., Top Shampine <?;/ stump, l., 
Spike Williams at saiabuck up r. Slim is trying to put 
ofi a sock that is much too small for him.') 

MosE. Slim, you appears to be havin.' a hard time. 

Slim {tugging at the sock). Doggone dis yere ole sock — 
she won't stretch a bit. 

Spike {co?fiing down r. to him). Why fo' you don't buy 
good socks ? Dis yere cheap kind's no good. 

Slim. If she'd only stretch {Pulls at sock.) 

Mose {going R. to Slim). Now see heah, dis is gone far 
enough. Put on dat sock. 

Slim. 1 can't. She won't stretch. 

Mose. Spike, lend a hand heah. 

(Spike and Mose each put one hand on Slim's shoulder 
and seize the top of the sock with the other.) 

Slim. Here, what you doin' ? 

Mose. Dis sock's goin' on. Ready. One, two, heave ! 

(Mose and Spike pull, and the sock slips over Slim's foot 
and half-way up the calf of his leg.) 

Slim {excited). Now look what you done — now look 
what you done ! Dat sock ain't wuth nothin'. 
Mose. Ain't I done tole you so? 

{Goes back to chopping-block, c. Spike goes back to saw- 
buck, up R., laughing. ^l\u pulls off sock and puts on a 
larger one.) 

5 



b QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 

Slim (Jo Mose). You pay me fo' dat sock, nigger. 

MosE. Who, me? What you talkin' about? When 
you wants a sock dat kin stretch enuf ter go over yo' big 
feet, buy dem wot's got laxative tops. (Slim rises and 
starts R.) Where you gwine? 

Slim. I'm a-gwine where I'm gwine, dat's where I'm 
gwine. I ain't obleeged to tell you where I'm gwine, is 1? 
Ain't goin' to tell where I'm gwine. I'm gwine to ole man 
Johnson's, if you want to know. 

Top. Hi-yah ! Ole man Johnson dat married dat Jone!= 
gal? 

Slim {coming back to his stump, r.). Yep, an' I certainly 
feels sorry for him, too. 

Mose. He married dat pesticatin' ole piece o' pig-iron? 
Whoo — but dat 'oman sho' am de ugliest ebber. 

Top. Dat's what Johnson say now. He say she allers 
go' ted him in de dark en now he wish hit war allers night. 

Spike. I didn't think dat nigger had de money ter git 
de license wid. 

Mose. Huh, yo' kin git 'em on de 'stallment plan. 

Slim. 'Stallment plan ? How's dat? 

Mose. Two dollars down, en mos' ob yo* salary for de 
res' o' yo' life. 

Spike. Why fo' she marry dat nigger? Dey's odder 
fellers wid mo' money den he's got. 

Slim. Does yo', think fellers wid money is perambulatin' 
round ? 

Mose. Sho dey ain't, not so you kin see 'em coming. 
Look yere, Spike; when yo' see a feller what's got money 
ter burn, yo' know hit ain't hard fo' him to 'duce some gal 
to strike a match. 

(Spike sleepily gapes loud and long.') 

Slim. Shet yo' face, nigger, 'fore yo' head falls in. 

Top. Yo' oughter stay home at night en git some res'. 

Spike. I done bin out ebbery night dis week. 

Mose. En I guess yo'll be out to-night, too. 

Spike {poifiti?ig off l.). Ef 1 don' hole better cards I 
will.— Say, look yere, Mose. What for dat ole hen eatin' 
dem tacks? 

Mose. She gwine ter lay a carpet, I s'pose. {^lim swings 
off into a so?ig, which is followed by quartette. As quartette 
closes, Mose goes to fence and whistles for his dog; then 



QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 7 

calls?) John, yere, John ! Come yere, yo' ole kioodle. 
(Pause.) Yere, John — John — John! (^Whistles.) 

Top. Sho' seems ter be a 'bedient dog yo' has. 

MosE. Well, to tell de truf, his name ain't really John ; 
hit's Fritz. 

(Slim comes doivn i.., followed by Spike.) 

Spike (as Slim lakes multicolored Jiaiidkerchief from his 
pocket). Say, Slim, where'd you git dat carnival flag? 

Slim. 'Smatter wid you, nigger? Dis yere handkerchief 
b* longed ter William Penn. 

MosE. Ter WiUiam Penn ? Who's he? 

(^Comes down c.) 

Slim. He's de man wot walked into Sylvania en called 
it Pennsylvania. 

Muse. En yo' say he used dat flag yo' got ter blow his 
nose on ? 

Slim. Yep, dis is de 'riginal pen-wiper. 

Spike. Did yo' hear dat Gus Williams been offered fifty 
dollars fer dat freak calf wot been borned on his place? 

Top {still on stump, l.). Say, dat war some specimine of 
a calf, warn't hit? 

Slim. Did yo' ever see a critter so twisted 'round ? 
Sho, Mose, dat calf got three perfectly formed hind legs. 
Dat hain't de funniest thing 'bout her, nuther. One o' dem 
hind legs is war de forelegs oughter be. 

Mose. Wal, Gus oughter be thankful dat she born dat- 
away. He oughter show some gratitude. 

(Slim and Spike go up l.) 

Top. Huh, yo' never did show any gratitude fo' any- 
thing dat's done fo' you. 

Mose. How's dat ? 

Top. Why, las' month when yo' ole 'oman war sick en 
dyin' en all de neighbors come over en sot up en wait on 
her, en den dey goes to de funeral when she die, yo' never 
even thank 'em. 

Mose. Now see yere, Top, hit ain't dat I warn't thank- 
ful — de good Lord knows I'm de gratefullest nigger what 
ever grated — but how could I send my condolences to dose 
what he'p me when I cain't write? 



8 QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 

Top. Well, hit ain't too late yit ; git Slim to wrote it 
out fo' you. {Rises a?id goes r.) 

MosE. What yo' say, Slim ? I got a pencil. 

(^Feels in pockets for the pencil,) 

Slim (cotnifig down l. and himting around yard for 
paper). Sho, 1 write hit out fo' you. {Picks up old 
paper bag.) Come on, jes' es yo' make hit up an' I'll 
wrote hit down. 

MosE {locating pencil'). Yere's de pencil. 

Slim {seating himself on stump, l.). Now go on, but 
go slow. 

{Others gather round.) 

MosE {dictatijig as Slim writes). Dear friends 

Slim {spelling as he writes). D-e-r — Dear 

Top. Put er " E " after dat, Slim. 

Slim. After what ? 

Top. After dat d-e-r. D-e-r-e is de way ter spell dear. 

Slim. All right; dere she am. {Spells as he writes.) 

F-r-e-n-d-s — friends- Go 'head, Mose. 

MosE. I desire to thank 

Slim {writing). Hovv'd yo' spell desire. Top? 
Top {as Slim writes). D-e-s-y-r. 
Slim {as he writes). To thank 



Mose. Ma friends en neighbors 



Slim (ivriting). Ma friends en How'd yo' spell 

neighbors, Top? 

Top. Le's see. {Scratches head.) N-a-b-o-r-s. 

Slim {writing). Neighbors All right, Mose. 

Mose. Mos' heartily in dis manner 

Slim. Mos' {spelling) h-a-r-t-1-y — heartily {looking ques- 
tioningly at Top, who nods) in this manner 

Mose. Fo' ther cooperation 

Slim. Hole on, nigger; what kine o' flim-flam stuff yo* 
wants me ter write? 

Spike. I Y\\\ spell hit fo' you. 

^i.\M {writing). Fo' ther {Pauses.) Now yo' spell 

cooperation. 

Spike {spelling as Sum writes). K-o — " ko " — o-p-u-r- 
a-chun. Did yo' git hit all ? 

Slim. Yep. Go 'head, Mose. 

Mose. In de illness en death o' my late ole 'oman 



QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 9 

Sum. Not so fas'. (^Writes.) All right. 

MosE. Who escape horn me by de han* o' deaf las' 

month 

Slim {jvriting). Go 'head. 
MosE. En is now a corpse 



Top. Corpse? Dat ain't de right word. 

Spike. Well, how yo' gwine ter say hit? 

Top. Corpse is er noun in de pas' case — hit denotes 
passion. 

MosE. Look yere. Didn't yo' say hit war de pas' case ? 
(Top nods.^ Well, dis ole 'oman's case is pas' ; she done 
gone. Slim, yo' let dat corpse stay whar she is. 

Slim. All right. Go 'head. 

MosE. To ma friends en all who he'p 

Slim {writing). Go 'head. 



MosE. Make de pas' minutes comfortable 

Slim. Now, wait. ( Writes slowly.) Go 'head. 

MosE. En de funeral a success 

Slim (writing). En — de — funeral — a — s-u-c-k-s-e-s-s 

(^Looks at Top, who nods.) Go 'head. 

MosE. 1 desire to 'member mos' kindly — (Slim writes 
sloivly) hopin' dese few lines {pause) find 'em enjoyin' de 
same blessin'. {Pause for Slim to tvrite.) I have a good 
milk cow to sell cheap. {Pause.) God moves in a mys- 
terious — way 

Slim. Hole on dere. ( Writes.) God — moves — in — 

er Say, Spike, you spell dat mysterious word he 

spoke of. 

Spike {spelling), M-i-s-t-e-r-y-u-s. 

(Slim writes.) 

Mose. What's de las' word you wrote, Slim? 

Slim. God moves in a mysterious way 

Mose. His wunners ter perform. {Pause.) He plants 

his footsteps on de sea — {pause) en rides upon de storm 

{Pause.) Also a black billy goat cheap. {Pause.) Now 
sign hit, '' Mose." 

Slim. How yo* spells " Mose " ? 

Mose. M 

Slim. M 

Mose. O 

Slim. O. 

Mose. S. 



10 QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 

Slim. S. 

MosE. Cain't spell hit no uther way. {Raises hands 
above arid looks upward.) En may we all have de best of 
luck. 

All (/;/ chorus). Amen. {Sung.) 

(Spike swings off into a song in which all join.) 

Top. Say, Slim, when yo' gits ter sottin' up dem letters 
does yo' know how ter do it ? 

Slim. Sho. Firs' yo* puts de interduction, den de 
body, den yo' signs hit, den yo' puts ''P.-S." over ter one 
side. 

MosE. P.-S. ? Whatdatfo'? 

Slim. Well, dat stan's fo' ** Probably some-more." 

Spike. Mose, I thought yo' said yo' war gwine er move? 

MosE. Well, de agent man he say if 1 hain't got de rent 
nex' Monday, he gwine ter put me out. 

Top. Nex' Monday? Aw, pshaw, den yo' don' have 
ter worry fo' de nex' fo' days. 

Slim. Say, Spike, when yo' went en ax Mr. Smith fo' a 
job, what all did he say ter you ? 

Spike. He done up en tole me, ''Spike,** say he, 
''does yo' know yo' has a immortal soul? " 

Mose. Lan' sakes. Spike, en what did yo* respon* ? 

Spike. Ah said, "Ah don* care.*' 

Mose. Dat's de way 1 felt when I war at de Chicago 
slaughter house. Lor', man, de butchers war a-killin' hogs 
on all sides o' me. 

Top. En you warn't 'fraid ? 

Mose. No, but 1 sho felt lak Daniel when he got inter 
de lion's den. 

Spike. How's dat ? 

Mose. I jes' thought — Whoever got ter do de after-din- 
ner speakin', hit won't be me. 

Top. Say, Mose, yo' mus' go ter church right often ? 

Spike. Sho, he go ter ma church every Sunday. 

Top. Is dat so ? 

Spike. He allers come in in de second part o' de 
sermon. 

Slim. In de second part ? 

Spike. Yep ; yo' see, at ma church de parson 'vides his 
sermon inter three parts. De firs' part he unnerstans en we 
don' ; de second part we unnerstans en he don*. 



QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE II 

Top. En de third part ? 

Sum. Nobody unnerstans. 

MosE (as Spike draws pouch from pocket). Spike, what 
dat yo* got in dat pouch ? 

Spike. 'Backer. {Pause.) Say, if any yo' niggers tells 
me how many chaws of terbacker I'se got in dis pouch, I'll 
gin yo' all bof o' dem. 

Slim. Two. 

Spike. Aw, go on, nigger, somebody done tole yo'. 

MosE. Slim, fo' why yo' don' go ter work en make er 
livin' ? 

Slim. 'Cause I'se studdyin' ter fill ma ambition. 

MosE. Yo' is studdyin' ? Ter be what ? 

Slim. Er rich guy. 

Spike. En wha' fo' yo' wants ter be a rich guy? 

Top. Da's what I say ; gwine ter work, nigger, en earn 
yo' money. 

Slim. En you, what yo' does wid yo' money? 

Top. Me? 1 gin my ole 'oman every cent. Every 
cent. 

Spike. Every cent? Lor' a mussy, I haf-a gin mine 
every dollar. 

Slim. Shaw, I bet I'd make a buss-up wid er 'oman ef I 
had a gin her all ma money. 

Spike. What good'd a buss-up do? 

Slim. Well, hit's cheaper en payin' over yo' hole wages. 
Looker Bill Evers, he buss-up wid his ole 'oman en — en when 
de jedge hear de case he tell Bill : " Yo' goiter gin her three 
fifty a week ammonia money." Bill used to gin her his 
hole eleven dollars. Shaw, he's six fifty to de good every 
week now. 

Mose. Ef yo' went ter work yo' wouldn't haf ter work 
so hard, 'specially ef yo' went ter work fo' Mr. Smith. Dat 
man sho am good to work for. 

Top. He sho am. All yo' is got ter do is do much less 
den is needed. 

Mose. Dat's right. Slim, en ef yo' is studious erbout 
yo'sef, yo' kin allers hope dat he gwine ter gin yo' mo' 
money. 

Slim. Hope? Shaw, I'se done bin hopin' till I gits 
tired. 

Mose. Slim, hope never lef er hones' man. She never 
departed from him. 



12 queerville's quaint quartette 

Slim. Hope never departed ? Aw (whistli?ig), say, quit 
yo' kiddin', maybe hope ain't never departed, but when I 
arrive, she's allers puttin' on her wraps. 

MOSE. Huh, nobody ever kin argify wid you, you'se — 
you'se 

Top. You'se got brains like de stuffin' in er soap bubble. 

Slim. What's de good in makin' money? You haf-a 
spen' hit — yo' cain't hole hit. 

MosE. Yep, but ef yo' practice astronomy yo' kin save a 
heap. 

(Top swings off i7ito so?ig — others Join in^ 

Top. Say, Mose, I war jes' thinkin' ef yo' sells dat cow 
you might git enuf money ter buy er bicycle-motor. 

Mose. Er bicycle-motor ? What fer ? 

Top. Wall, yo' kin ride round de town wifout so much 
es movin' yo' legs. 

Mose. Hit runs by herse'f ? 

Top {noddifig). Dat's de inventoried idea. 

Mose. Shaw — I'd sooner have ma cow. 

Spike. 'Smatter wid yo' ? Yo' cain't ride er cow eround 
town. 

Mose. No, dat's right, en yo' cain't milk er bicycle, 
nuther. 

Top. Huh, yo'-all b'leeves in savin' wot yo'-all is got, 
don' yo' ? 

Spike. I bet ef he had a dollar all at one time, he set up 
at night en watch hit wid er gun. 

Top. But I wan' to almos' gin him somefin' fer nuttin'. 

Mose. When er man wants ter gin yo' somefin' fer nut- 
tin', turn him down. 

Slim. Mose — ef yo'-all libs long enuf, yo'-all is gvvine 
ter be distinguished. 

Mose. Distinguished fer wot ? 

Top. Fer ole age. 

Mose. Well, I'se gwine ter lib till der millennium. 

Spike. Millennium? Wot yo' call dat? 

Mose. De millennium is somefin' lak a centennial, on'y 
hit got mo' laigs. 

Slim. Yo' is some superstitious. 

Mose. Superstitious ? Not er bit. 

Spike. Yo' ain't superstitious ? (Mose shakes his head,) 
Well, Mose, s'pose you len' me thirteen dollars. 



QUEERVILLE S QUAINT qUARTETTE I3 

MosE. Thirteen ? 

{Looks from o?ie to other, till they give him the laugh.) 

Sum. Yo* ain't gwine ter procrastinate him, is yo', 
Mose? 
■ Mose {getting angry). Now, yo' look here. 

Slim. Don' git mad, Mose ; 1 had ter look in de diction- 
ary masef afore 1 knowed dat procrastinate meant put-off. 

{Pause. ) 

Top. Say, Slim, kin yo' tell me why a mouse is lak 
hay ? 

Slim. Why a mouse is lak hay ? {Thinks.) Nope. 

Top. 'Cause de cat' 11 eat her. 

Slim. Aw, pshaw. Kin yo* tell me why did Solomon 
leave so much good advice ? 

Top. Nope. 

Slim. Kin yo', Spike? 

Spike. I sho cain't. 

Slim. How 'bout you, Mose? Yo'-all is 'quainted wid 
de Book. 

Mose. Tell yo' wot? 

Slim. Why did Solomon leave so much good advice? 

Mose. Nope, I cain't. 

Slim. 'Cause de numerous Mrs. Solomons wouldn't take 
any. 

Mose. Well, Slim, wot's er alibi ? 

Slim. I knows dat ; 1 had ter 'stablish one masef once. 
{Pause.) Er alibi is provin' dat yo' was at prayer meetin' 
whar yo' wasn't in order ter prove dat you wasn't at er crap 
game whar yo* was. 

Top. Good-night. 

Mose. But s'pose yo' was 'rested fer stealin' chickens. 
Whar'd yo' witness be ? 

Slim. When I steals chickens I nebber have any witness. 
Ma motto is, <*Trus' no one, en put berry little conferdence 
in yo'sef." 

Mose. Yo' is got a lot ter be thankful fer. Slim. 

Slim. Yep — dat's wot I thought las' night wen I git 
home wid dem two chickens unner ma coat. 

Mose. But de debbil is suppo'tin' yo'. He gwine leave 
frum unner yo' lak de mule ob sin. 



14 QUEERVILLE S QUAINT QUARTETTE 

Top. Lak de mule ob sin ? 

(^A 11 get interested.) 

MosE. Yep. In de X, V, three I's ob two Samuels 
an' nine verses from de beginnin', I fin' dese 'markable 
words: "An' de mule dat was unner him went away." 
Who gwine ter doubt de truf ob de Scripter after dat ? Dat 
was put down in ritin' way back in ole King Dabid's time — 
many mo' years ago den all yo' brudders could put down on 
one side of a feather-edge board wid a piece of coal in er 
week. An' dat very same kin' ob a mule am libin' ter dis 
day yit. De berry mule dat am unner yo' en runs away. 
An' dat berry mule dat histed Absalom en went away frum 
unner him en lef ' him dangling in de tree am libin' yit. 
Dat mule ain't no better fo' bein' er Scripter mule. Hit war 
jes' his own 'orneryness dat took him unner de limb ob dat 
tree ter scrape Absalom off. He jes' went away es fas' es his 
laigs culd carry him. Yo' brudders en sisters es ridin' 
some kin' ob a mule ob sin. Yo' is settin' on sideways, an' 
straddle, in carnal security. Yo' is starin' erbout yo' at de 
vanity ob vanities. Yo' is holin* on ter de ears en de tail 
ob dat mule. De sisters is sittin' on behine huggin' de 
brudders, en de brudders es turnin' round ticklin' de sisters, 
en dar yo' go prancin' en dancin' en cumfalootin. Dat 
mule am gwine erway en leabe yo' in a pile longside ob de 
road ter de debbil. He's gwine ter souse you in mud ob 
perdition, en flam yo' inter de fence corner ob iniquity, en 
leab yo' stradlin' de sharp rail ob wickedness. Den he 
gwine leab out his hee-hawnk en flop his tail en kick up his 
hine hoofs en went erway ter fine de debbil en see war he 
wants de nex' load of sinners dumped — I — I — I — tink we 
better change de subjec'. 

{They close with chorus of selections.) 



CURTAIN 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six 
males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of 
playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; 
may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual com- 
bination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations, 
etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises 
include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions,' 
and a comical speech by a country school trustee. Price, 15 
cents. 

EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. 

An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male 
and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. 
Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- 
tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a 
trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- 
cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers 
to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims 
the teacher. Very easy and very effective. Price, 15 cents. 

BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- 
tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male 
and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. 
Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are 
sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in 
a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and 
decides to try his fortunes in New York. The last scene is in 
Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership 
in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a 
surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. 
Price, 15 cents. 

THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one 
female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- 
numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special 
Iscenery is required, and the costumes and properties are all 
easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- 
vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- 
pion, captures the convention. There is a. great chance to bur- 
lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every 
part will make a hit. Price, 15 cents. 

SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female 
characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. 
Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set 
scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain- 
ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for 
specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted 
to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Unusually Good Entertainments 

Read One or More of These Before Deciding on 
Your Next Program 

A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- 
tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and 
seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- 
out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time,» one hour. By the 
author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill 
■[•School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have 
■planned a birthday surprise party for Mary_ Brinkley, recently 
graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs, 
conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises' 
the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. Price, IS cents» 

JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by 

Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with 
supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the 
parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple 
interior ; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. 
Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel 
features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every 
character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are 
many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. Price, 15 cents. 

THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One 
Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or 
may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so 
that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. 
Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent 
of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the 
machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous 
characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gut- 
ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. Price, 15 cents. 

THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original 
Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eighteen males 
and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. 
Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played 
in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is 
nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily 
produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost 
.any number of good parts. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wjlson. For thirteen, 
females and one male. The male part may be played by a 
female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or 
more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery 
nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Can 
easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. Price, 25 cents. 

^ BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical 

Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males 
and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- 
ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations 
which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire 
fun from start to finish. Price, 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



Successful Plays for All Girls 

In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List 

YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, 
by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular 
plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in 
playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- 
ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a 
young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- 
sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. 
When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that 
the physician is a female practitioner. Price, 15 cents. 

SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank 
DuMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, 
fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose 
of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a 
Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, 
and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. 

A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- 
tainment, by Amelia Sanford. \ For seven female char- 
acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one 
hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street 
scene. Marian Young gets tired living with her aunt, Miss 
Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position." 
Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and 
school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, 15 
cents. 

HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy 
in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. 
Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. 
Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the 
deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win 
the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible 
ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. 
Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. 
But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another 
friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. 

THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, 
by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female 
characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- 
iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the 
play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to 
chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims 
her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties 
of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss 
Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish 
an evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

PHILADELPHIA 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 215 229 4 # 

The Power of Expression 

Expression and efficiency go hand in hand. 

The power of clear and forceful expression brings confi- 
dence and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public 
discussion, in society, in business. 

It is an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can often 
be turned into money, but it is always a real joy. 

In learning to express thought, we learn to command 
thought itself, and thought is power. You can have this 
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Whoever has the power of clear expression is always sur§ 
of himself. 

The power of expression leads to: 

The ability to think "on your feef 

Successful public speaking 

Effective recitals 

The mastery over other minds 

Social prominence 

Business success 

Efficiency in any undertaking 

Are these things worth while? 

They are all successfully taught at The National School of 
Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has de= 
veloped this power in hundreds of men and women. 

A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these 
accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request 

THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF 
ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 

Parkway Building Philadelphia 



